When you were six we brought another child into our family. We planned and promised a perfectly healthy little brother or sister. A little brother or sister who would look up to you, who you could teach things, play with and grow up with. We planned sunshine and rainbows for both of you. We never planned storms and dark clouds. Our lives changed in a flash. Not only were you no longer the only child you became the sister of a child with special needs. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry we had so many appointments, so many surgeries, so many challenges pulling our attention from you. I wish I could go back to the little girl you were before his birth and explain the changes that were to come. Wrap my arms around you and tell you how brightly your light shined in my heart and how it still does to this day. How that when the times come in the future when our focus is on your brother it wouldn't be because he was more important than you but that it would be because his needs at that moment would be greater. I would explain to you the vital role you would play in his life and ours. I would take one more walk with you in the park with you as the center of my world. One more play time with only the concern of what outfit your Barbie should wear. One more bedtime fairy tale where everything is right and beautiful in our world. One more day with rainbows and sunshine and my precious little girl with blonde curls knowing only laughter and joy.
Your life changed when we started down this road with him. You were asked to understand. At six you were asked to understand and accept things that it has taken me years to come to terms with. You did it. Long before I did you did it. We talk about how much of a trooper he is. How he smiles and carries on and is happy. You young lady are a trooper as well. You fell in love with him too. I can remember you asking to feed him or change his diaper. You played with him, you taught him things and you grew up with him. You became his body guard. You didn't show resentments towards him as others might have. You accepted him and willingly stepped in to love and care for him. You were and still are everything a big sister should be. He looks up to you. He cherishes you. He knows that his big sister is there for him. He doesn't know the sacrifices you made for him but I do. I know how challenging your life became. I know the times you cried for him and for yourself at the loss of what could have been. I understand the heartbreak you felt and I'm so sorry. I want to thank you for helping me thoughout all of the years. For the times you let me sleep when you wanted to play. For the times you said "it's ok Momma I understand". You will never truly know how much you helped me . Or of all the times that if it weren't for you I don't know how I would have survived. Thank you.
I am so proud of the woman you have become and your light continues to shine brighter in my heart as the years pass.
I love you with every fiber of my being. I want to thank you for accepting your role in our lives and his with the dignity, devotion and charm that only you could have. You have a beautiful loving soul and I am blessed beyond words to have you in my life.
Thank you sweetheart.
Carry on With Love,
~Mom
